Doomed At First Kiss
by speciallittlesomeone
Summary: Been played? Oh, just wait. This is something you'll want to hear.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Georgianna. Most people call me Georgi, though. I've always wanted be called Anna, but no one ever asks, they assume. I guess you would say I'm average, though, I don't feel like anyone could possibly understand everything and I often don't tell people things because I'm scared of what they may think. Sure, I love my family because they are great, but I'm the "Keep to yourself, don't tell a soul" kind of girl so having good family isn't exactly the key item to my sanity.

Anyways, this story is not a happy one, or a short one. Hell, I still am unsure if I've found what I'm looking for. All I know is that the story is worth telling and worth hearing. So, sit down, shut up and enjoy the fuck out of my crappy life.

When things slowed down life so too boring to even pay attention to, that's how I felt. If there wasn't a boy to chase then I wasn't doing anything important for myself. It'd been that way for the last 5-6 months. In that time period I'd flirted with so and done things with so many boys I had no feelings for I almost felt unworthy of rising from my slump.

It was then, I didn't realize it, but it was then that I needed someone, something the most. I was desperately trying to find my way out of the dark, anyone's hand, but no one was reaching, just staring.

Being in a slump and finally recognizing it for what it was I used my friend Michael for all the support I could get. I used him for my own sanity a lot, and I knew it was unfair. He wanted me and I was no where near wanting him. I only needed him until I found a boyfriend. It was extremely unfair and I knew it every minute of the day. The guilt was so hard to keep up with that sometimes I cried. I remember trying to break off my friendship with him just to free myself and then I'd cry and go back to him for selfish reasons and because I knew he wanted me to be there. I generally hated myself and everything around me.

Michael always tried to cheer me up so, he was always asking me to get on Xbox with him. I always yelled at him; I would say, "Fuck you, I hate that god damn Xbox with a passion and you know it. Why the fuck would I get on there anyways? To talk to some god damn twelve year olds?" It was always something like that… I was becoming everything I hated it, but at that point I still had no idea.

It was like that until one day at school we were talking, like every morning, (me getting pissed at him and him starting to retort back which I didn't care for) that he mentioned his friend, Billy.

At this point I think it must've been my intuition that drew me to Billy because all they had said about him was that he was a faggot with a girlie voice. Well, until a week later when Michael had declared Billy to be a "pretty cool guy".

This was when everything started for me. Who knows what my original intentions were? I know they weren't to fall in love. Billy was (probably) supposed to be another nothing-important, but my manipulation was, apparently, nothing for his.


	2. Chapter 2

As the days rolled by the more I heard about Billy the more I conceived an idea in my head that I could have him wrapped around my finger in a matter of days. It didn't matter to me what he looked like, where he was from, or if he was boring; I wanted Billy to be begging at my knees like any other boy I'd played for the last 6 months.

"Hey, Michael?" I remember saying in the sweetest voice I could manage.

He looked at me like he always did and I ignored it like I always did, "Yeah?"

"You should definitely give me Billy's number…" I expected to have to badger a little for it.

Little did I know…"Okay," and he handed me his phone.

I took no time to celebrate my victory. I went straight to copying the number and sending a text as soon as I could.

"Oh my goshhhh, Billy, I 3 you," I remember it saying. With all that was going through my head I never guessed, until now, that that was the point where I had received "the gun" I could hold to my head at any time.

The days went on and the text traveled back and forth.

Georgi: OMG, Billy, I 3 You!!

Billy: I know XD

Georgi: Pfft, you want me.

Billy: NO, I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

Georgi: Aww, why not?

Billy: You know how Michael feels about you… I wouldn't do that

Georgi: Pfft

It was all known to be a joke and anytime something seemed too serious he would clearly state that "Michael means too much and I would never do that to him. He loves you." I ignored it at first, just like everything else about Michael's want for me, until it became a constant thing he would say.

I had enough of people getting in the way of what I wanted. I was selfish and no one was going to stop me, not even my best friend. I called Michael.

"Hello?"

"What the hell? Any guy I try to get is always too scared or 'wont do that to michael' I've about just about enough of this shit!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know exactly what the fuck I mean. You know I like Billy and you're just trying to get in the way. I don't like you, get over it."

"Georgi, I know that already… I'll talk to him."

"You better,"

I don't know how he felt about it because I hung up, but I do know things changed between Billy and I, and Michael seemed to have a lot to do with it.

Billy, strangely, started accepting my advances and I became pleased, infatuated. I soon realized that for the first time in a while I actually liked someone. He reminded me of everything I liked and made me laugh and smile. I felt my heart jump and flutter when it came to him and I loved the feeling more than I remembered.


	3. Chapter 3

Not too much time passed before we were out for spring break. I was so happy because this meant I actually got to see Billy. I was always so busy with school work and other such things that I never actually saw him in person just yet.

Michael and I decided it would be fun to go together. Billy had said his parents were always off travelling the world, but he missed his mom like crazy. They were really close. Either way, I was excited.

"I can't wait to see him, can't wait, can't wait." I said in my happy-sing-song voice.

"Haha, I can tell. You guys need to be together. OMG you can marry billy and have little biorgi's and I could be Uncle Michael and teach them about sex!" Michael laughed to himself.

I smacked him, "No, you will not teach my children about sex! They will hear enough of it if Billy was to be the father," I scoffed. He wanted it, but I hadn't seen him so I had no chance to actually think about giving it to him.

We finally arrived and I was so excited I could not sit still. The minute the car was stopped I jumped out and ran to the door. He was waiting for us because before I even got next to the door it was open.

Without putting much thought into anything because my excitement was so great, I tackled him to the ground and kissed him. I knew it's what I meant to do, but felt a little embarrassed about it afterwards. I felt like he didn't want it, I was corrected later.

Billy laughed, "hey there," he said.

"Hi," I said shyly, getting up. I felt weird because I hadn't been nervous in a really long time, though, now I was. I looked him up and down and he seemed utterly perfect. He was exactly the kind of guy I liked. I noticed him doing the same thing and I wondered what his thoughts were, but I couldn't ask because Michael came up immediately after that.

"Wingman!" he said and they high fived each other. I couldn't help, but roll my eyes.

"Well, come on in, they party isn't here yet, but it will be soon enough." He said and looked at me when he said the last part. It sent a shiver down my spine.

Michael and I made ourselves comfortable on Billy's couch while he went upstairs to his room for something. His house was beautiful and I couldn't help but marvel at it. Michael seemed to like looking at it too, but was suddenly more interested in the Xbox he saw in front of him. He began recovering his gamer tag onto Billy's Xbox immediately.

I wanted to wander Billy's house, but I decided I could see it all later. I sat on the couch next to Michael and got comfortable like Billy told us to. After the full recovery of Michael's gamer tag (it takes a bit) Billy still was not downstairs and so I went to fetch him. Michael just nodded his head when I told him where I was going.

I walked up the stairs trying to decide which room looked like it would be Billy's. I decided the end of the hall seemed like my best bet so I went there and knocked. No one answered so I opened the door. It sure as hell was his room, messy, but not that bad. He had another Xbox up here, a TV and a computer.

"Hello?" I called out. No one answered, still. I knew he was in here, though. I just had that feeling.

I looked around ignoring the closet because he had said something about needing to clean it out because it was filled to the top with random objects. I didn't think for one second that he had already cleaned it out.

As was about to turn around and leave the room to search elsewhere I felt someone's arms (hmm I wonder who?) wrap around me. I almost screamed because surprise attacks scare me.

"Shh," he said, "It's me."

I felt another shiver run down my spine, "you scared me."

He chuckled, "I could tell," he turned me around and looked me in the eyes," I don't think our first kiss was good enough, so let's make a better one." After that he leaned down and kissed me in a way that melted me completely.

After that, there was no going back.


	4. Chapter 4

After the first few kisses Billy and I were inseparable. I almost never left except for an occasional trip home for sleep, but sometimes I didn't even do that. My mom said it wasn't what she wanted, but I was old enough to make my own decisions. My parents barely knew anything about Billy, but they trusted me judgment and didn't get too involved with it.

"Hey, can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course," I would say with such sincerity.

He'd look at me with eyes I couldn't resist, "I love you," every letter made me want to faint.

"I love you too," and then he'd go back to playing Xbox.

We would spend our days lying on the couch and I'd watch him play Xbox. He had occasional visitors and some I was less than fond of, a good example being Will (aka apataos). Apparently, he was Billy's best friend and butt-buddy as I secretly called him. There were some days when he would be rude to me and others when he was nice. It seemed to me he dealt with everyone in that same manner, though, it still bothered me quite a bit.

Then, there was Nick. He was a cute as a button with a voice that sounded with the colors of the rain to boot. I think I adored Nick and got it some where in my head that we should be best friends because he sounded gay so then the logic told me he must be. I always wanted to give Nick a great big hug, but he was out of my reach and it was out of the question because Nick was not gay and Billy would be furiously jealous.

"Omg, I totally love tales of vesperia and eternal sonata!"

"Me toooooo," I said excitedly, "let's be besties forever."

"OMG, let's!"

Billy looked a little bitter by this, but I paid it no attention. He would get over it.

Other people visited too, though. People who didn't make much of a difference whether they were present or not, I guess they felt neutral to me. One was Will's girlfriend Yessika, she sounded nice, but I didn't really talk much when she was around and she was a quiet one herself. Along with that there were many others who names escape me now…

As people gathered I felt anxious for them to leave. Sometimes I would leave just to get out of the loud, numerous voices.

"Be back later." I'd said and just drive around town for a while. The quiet did me good, but I missed Billy during that time and got mad at him for not wanting to escape with me. I couldn't help but feel jealous that they were getting his attention instead of me.

One day I was sitting in a parking lot of a nearby park waiting for the text from Billy saying "Hey," which was my signal that there were little to no people there. On that particular day Kyle had been at Billy's house. Truth be told, Billy hated Kyle with a passion, but I think it was only because Kyle was so madly in love with me all the time. It was almost the same as Michael except Kyle was the type to lash out if you didn't give him a chance like I didn't.

I heard my phone go off and got ready to start my car. I read the text suddenly stopping and feeling a little disappointed it wasn't Billy, but Michael.

It read, "Oh shit, you need to get back here now. Kyle called you something and now Billy is going ape shit on his ass." I got out of my daze and started my car to race to Billy's house before something got out of hand.

When I arrived I could hear the screaming voices very clearly but couldn't make out any words. As I walked inside I saw people staring at the scene in the middle, but doing nothing to get involved. In the middle were Billy, Will, and Kyle.

Will appeared to be holding Billy back, but was also tearing Kyle limb-from-limb with words. I knew most of the people there hated Kyle, but I felt bad for him nonetheless. Billy looked angry enough to kill Kyle and I imagined that was why Will had to hold him back. Kyle looked at them both like they were idiots.

"You're a fucking faggot. If you are going to call a girl shit like that then get the fuck out of here. It's not like anyone likes you." Will kept spewing insults right and left.

"Hey," Michael said, being the only one to notice me come in.

Billy and Will both turned to look at me. Billy freed himself from will and came over and grabbed my hand, dragging me over to the scene I so much wanted to avoid. "Say it to her face, you fag," he spat.

I didn't want to hear it, but looked at Kyle to appease Billy. Maybe if I went along with whatever it was he would calm down. "What did you call me Kyle?" I asked a bit indifferent.

"I didn't say shit. He is making it up."

Someone scoffed, "We all heard you, Kyle." I knew the whole room was ganging up on him and I felt so bad.

"Not gonna tell her?" Billy asked, still very much angry. "Fine, I will. Kyle said you were a whore who'd spread your legs for any attention whatsoever."

I was shocked. This had happened before, but something Billy said fueled my anger and made me want to kill Kyle, as well.

I ripped free from Billy's hand, "Where the fuck do you get off saying I'm a fucking whore?! Just because I don't like your sorry ass and have someone who is actually nice to me you think you can go around spreading untrue shit about me? Well fuck you. You wonder why I never liked you, it's because you're a pathetic piece of shit. Get the fuck out of here," I said pointing to the door of a house that wasn't mine.

Kyle looked at me, hurt, and walked out. I felt bad.

After that Billy seemed lighter in mood. I didn't, however. I went up to Billy's room while they continued their "party" and cried to myself on Billy's bed until I fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day I still felt crummy. I watched Billy play Xbox, but he could tell I didn't feel right. The same talks would go on between us, but I think he could tell I really wasn't in the mood to be mushy.

I wasn't paying too much attention to what he was doing, but I found him staring at me and the TV/Xbox turned off. It was surprising and I wondered why he would do that, he loved those things.

"Get up," he said kissing me.

I looked at him for a moment, "why?"

"beeeeeeecaaaaaause," he exaggerated.

I got up with a sigh and he grabbed my hand bringing me up to his room. He made me sit on his bed and then went to get something from my bag that I had brought over a week earlier. It was my camera.

"Billy, what are you doing?" I said annoyed that he'd try to take pictures of me.

"Capturing your beauty." He winked and I felt a little disturbed, but brushed it off.

I got up off the bed and kissed him quickly before darting off to his bathroom with my bag. I locked the door and a few seconds later heard a loud bang.

"Heyyyyyy," he whined.

I giggled, "If you want pictures you have to let me prepare," I said and turned on the shower.

After beautifying myself (you know the whole deal) I saw a shadow outside the door. He was waiting and that made me laugh.

When I was completely finished I unlocked the door and opened, he was up in less than a second. "Wow," he said biting his lip. I knew I looked hot and he couldn't deny it either.

He pushed me into his room and began taking pictures again. I did the weirdest faces I could manage and some that I thought might be sexy. I wanted him to have the best pictures he could because I'd be going on a trip soon and he'd need something to remember me by.

After a lot of pictures he stared at me for a moment and then looked as if he got the most brilliant idea ever. He made sure his door was closed and locked so no one would barge in. Then, he made his way to me and started to lift up my shirt.

"BILLY! What are you doing?!" I asked moving his hand away.

"Well, you're going to be gone and… we've never done anything, but we've been seeing each other for a while now. I just wanted something to remember you by."

I grabbed my camera. "Aren't these enough?"

"Well, they should be, but… I can't help myself. I want you so bad." He was begging and I didn't like that sort of thing, but I loved him.

"They won't be fully nude." I said in a way that signified there were no questions.

He nodded as I lifted up my shirt a little bit and he started taking pictures again. Before long the shirt was completely gone and soon the pants disappeared too. I had never been this naked in front of anyone. I knew my gut was telling no, but I ignored it because I wanted to please Billy more than anything.

After he was done I put on my clothing and we cuddled on his bed. I didn't look at his face and he petted my hair. I felt guilty, dirty and had no escape from it.

Then, I thought about it and knew I did have an escape. I loved Billy, but I needed time to think so, I left his house.

"Why are you leaving?" he asked in a sad voice.

"I need to think about some stuff," I said, kissing him and leaving before he could say anything else.

I drove to a park and sat there, thinking. "Thank the lord," I breathed out. I had escaped for a while. I loved him so much, but I suddenly felt like I was dirty. We weren't dating and I made a promise to myself to never give naked pictures to anyone. I broke it completely.

I sat there for a long while repeating my thoughts in a constant circle. I was thinking of going back when I got a text. It was from Billy.

Billy: Oh god, what's wrong with me?

Georgi: what are you talking about, Billy?

Billy: I'm such a fucking mess. I'm so sorry…

Georgi: No, it's okay. What's wrong?

Billy: You remember when I talked about Amy, right? Well, she just called and said she missed talking to me because we never talked anymore. I think I still love her. I'm so sorry.

Georgi: Oh…

I felt like the stupidest person in the world. Everything that had happened the last few days seemed unreal. I couldn't believe any of it.

Billy: I don't know what to do… I love you both…

I decided not texting him was the best way to go about this. I went home without a word to anyone. School would be starting again tomorrow and I had to think about that.

I spent the whole week at home instead of Billy's house. My parents were curious, but didn't ask. I was miserable those three days of school, but at least it wasn't a full week because I had a robotics competition.

The day before I left Billy texted me again.

Billy: Georgi, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you, please come back.

Georgi: Okay

I felt like I had been ruined and needed relief. I loved Billy and was willing to forgive anything he did. I needed him at that point.

When I arrived at his house he greeted me at the door with a long, passionate kiss. I felt so wrapped up in him. I couldn't think clearly at all.

We made our way up to his room without breaking the kiss and did something I didn't dream of. The pictures were no big deal after that night's happenings. Though, I didn't feel dirty at all. I felt safe. I felt like this is where I belonged forever.

In the morning I got up and left for school with all of my stuff that I needed for the trip without saying goodbye.


	6. Chapter 6

On the bus to St. Louis for my robotics competition I got a text from Billy.

Billy: Why didn't you say goodbye :[

Georgi: Sorry, I was late.

Billy: Oh, well, I love you 3

The conversation went on a little bit from there, but I wasn't paying close attention to it. I had a book to read for school and I felt it was a little more important. He got bored of my one-worded answers after a while and quite texting me, but I didn't notice.

When it got to dark to read I fooled around with some of the other members of my team in conversation and other such things. It was hard to say why, but I felt like they were my best friends, every last one of them.

I was rooming with two girls, Katy and Elizabeth. It was like having best friends who were girls (which I hadn't had in forever). This night was going to be Billy free and I was going to make sure of it.

After eating diner with a bunch of our other team mates we all decided to go to the pool. Everyone was there and we were all laughing and playing and splashing and having a really good time.

Besides our team in the hotel there were a couple others. I knew our opposing school was there and then two others. When we were playing in the pool four members of another team came down and that's when I saw him.

Standing there in a bathing suit I saw my dream come true. I could have died and gone to heaven right there. I was stuck in the same spot staring at a boy I decided was named David (no, I'm not kidding. I guessed his name was David). He looked exactly like my ex boyfriend Chris Parker whom I had loved with all of my heart and more. It was perfect. He was exactly what my dream guy looked like, Chris Parker and Trace Cyrus all in one.

While standing there my friend, Derek, dunked me and I came back to my senses. I tried my best to wipe my fantasy from my mind and have a good time. I couldn't help but notice he stared at me when I started at him.

The next day I had to be the head cheerleader for my team and keep everyone motivated. I kept spirits up and had a lot of fun with every single person. We were doing really well, surprisingly and I was so happy.

Every once in a while I saw the boy I named David and my heart fluttered. I told my friend Katy and she wanted to help me talk to him.

"You're going to get his number" she told me, "and you're going to like it."

I felt like I could fall over and die right then, I was never a bold person. I was scared to death that he wouldn't like me. I had no thoughts of what Billy would think until he text me.

Billy: Hey.

Georgi: how are you?

Billy: I'm good. I miss you.

Georgi: Billy, I think we should be friends.

Billy: What? Why?

Georgi: You love Amy right?

Billy: Yeah, but…

Georgi: No, buts. I think I might've found someone I like too. Let's be friends.

Billy: If it makes you happy… that's all I want.

I didn't answer him back. I had my answer and that was enough. I ran down the bleachers with my black berry in hand.

"Excuse me," I said tapping on his shoulder. I was shaking

"Yeah," he asked.

"Hi, name is georgi. I just thought you were really cute and wanted to know if I could have your number," I said in a shaky voice.

He smiled, "sure."

I started putting in his number and forgot I didn't ask for his name, "Oh, sorry. I didn't ask… what's your name?" I blushed feeling stupid.

"Oh yeah… it's David."

I was shocked and went back up to my friends. "Holy cow."

"What?" Katy asked, excitedly.

I turned to her, still shocked, "I got his number… and his name IS David."

"Oh my gosh," she laughed. We were both excited.

David and I texted each other for the rest of that days part of the competition. It was just a bunch of questions and silly remarks, but I started to really like him. There were a few things I couldn't stand, though, such as: he didn't like video games, he skateboarded all the time, hated his parents, and more. I brushed most of it off, however.

When we got to go back to the hotel my friends and I met up with some of his friends. We talked for a long while until it was time for us to be in our rooms. The mentors would put tape on the doors so they knew if we left or not, but tonight it didn't happen. We never got the goodnight check so, I assumed I was free.

David's group was supervised by parents so they didn't have the tape-on-the-door method. He could sneak out whenever. We decided we wanted to see each other so we both snuck out and went outside the hotel, around back.

"I feel like such a bad girl," I joked sticking my tongue out.

He was several feet taller than me so he looked down and I looked up. "Oh, you are going to be a bad influence on a poor little freshman like me."

I laughed, "No one can hear you scream if I rape you."

We both laughed and then he looked at me and I looked at him. It was a magical feeling. He leaned down and I got on my tiptoes and we kissed.

When we broke apart I smiled at him and he smiled back. We sat on the ground and started to make-out. I was so happy to be here and there wasn't another thought in my mind.

After an hour long make-out session we decided we better get back to our rooms so we didn't get caught. I got into bed quietly so I didn't wake Katy or Elizabeth in the other bed. As a lay there smiling, I got a text. It was from Billy.

Billy: Good night, sweet dreams. I still love you.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day at the competition I cheered hard for my team. We almost got into the finals, but the other team beat us JUST barely. It sucked, but was worth it because the trip had been SO much fun.

After we were defeated I walked around with Murphy (David) and we kissed a couple times, but nothing too serious. He had to leave earlier and I was kind of sad, but okay with it because I wasn't too serious about the guy. Don't get me wrong, he was hotter than fuck, but he didn't put up the effort I wanted and he just didn't seem like the guy of my dreams.

Anyways, after our devastating defeat we left for home. I texted Murphy the whole way home until my phone died. I was still quite pleased with myself and started showing everyone I knew him because he was SO hot. I felt bad that it didn't go passed physical attraction.

When I got home and plugged my phone into the charger, I was tired. I got ready for bed without thoughts of other stuff and then made sure to turn on my phone. After that I got 4 messages. Three were from Murphy.

David: I miss you already, cutie!

David: :[ did your phone die like you thought?

David: Oh well, I can't wait to see you again ;]

I couldn't wait to see him either and smiled at all of his texts to me. We talked about if we saw each other again and got to be alone what we would do, but I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again, anyways.

The last text was not from David, but from Billy. I was nervous to see what it said, but I needed to know.

Billy: I want you to come home :[

I thought it was only right, so I text him back.

Georgi: I am home now.

Billy: Yay!

I went to bed after that, making sure to turn my phone on silent.

The next morning I got up and got ready for the day. It was Sunday so I didn't have to worry about going to school or anything like that. I decided that since I had time to think and even test out other people I should go back to Billy. I really did love him, but I was still a little unsure.

On the drive over, I started feeling really happy. I wanted Billy. I was so happy that I wanted to listen to the radio. I heard a song that fit my mood completely; it was "I wanna have your babies" by Natasha Beddingfield. It reminded me of when I first tackled Billy.

When I got to Billy's the door was unlocked and it was kind of strange, but I didn't care because I just wanted to see him. I found him asleep in his room. He looked so cute, I could help but tackle him.

"What the hell?" he said.

I giggled, "good morning, sunshine. Georgi says 'I love you.'"

He looked at me, "huh? OH, I love you too," he smiled. Then he looked tired again.

"I heard a song that reminds me of you," I said going to his computer.

He leaned up a little bit, "Too sexy for my shirt?"

I rolled my eyes, "no, I wanna have your babies."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's hot, I know." I turned on the sing and he laughed at me. "Whaaat?" I asked

He smiled, "I want you to have my babies too."

"Silly Billy, that's a bit eternal." I patted his head.

"Well, you're MINE forever. No one else's." And to think he claimed not to be the jealous type.

"Well, technically…" I started.

"No, no one else's, miiiiiiiiine," he hugged me.

"fiiiiine, yoooooooooooours." I laughed.

He kissed me and I knew it felt right; I was where I needed to be again. I forgot about David just like I had forgotten about Billy. It was like if I was with one, the other was no where in sight.

We sat on the couch and played Xbox like normal that day. It was like things were back when it was just me and Billy and he loved me so much that I could feel it radiating.

Even when Will came over I felt too happy to be mad at him and he seemed to be nicer, strangely enough. Everything seemed to be better, completely. I could even stand being in the large groups of loud, numerous voices because all I wanted was to be with Billy.

Though, I think he could tell I was still talking to David. Billy seemed more possessive and always said "Mine" to me. I felt like it was only right to at least allow him that. It brought questions of what we actually were to my head and David saying he loved me and wanted me was not helping my questions just go away.

One night, we were finally alone and I was so grateful to get to talk to him one on one. I hoped to god he would answer my questions truthfully and believed in him fully.

"Billy," I started.

"Yeah?" he said, looking at me and pulled me closer.

I looked at him with serious eyes, "What are we? I mean… I love you, but we're not really officially anything."

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, to me, it does."

"Well, I don't know."

"What does that even mean?" I pulled away.

"Hey, I love you, okay? I don't know what we should be, but I know that and I know that you are mine forever and you're gorgeous, Georgi." He smiled, "heh, gorgeous Georgi."

"Well, then… I guess it's enough, for now. I want to be with you forever, I love you," I smiled at him.

He kissed me, "me too."

Then I got a text from David.

David: Hey, let's meet this coming weekend.


	8. Chapter 8

(youtube).com/watch?v=onElNJoNsUY

I knew if I wanted to see David it would be very possible, but I'd have to find an excuse so that Billy didn't know. I loved Billy and didn't want to pain him more than I already had been.

Georgi: I'll be there Saturday

David: Good. Can't wait to see you, cutie ;]

I needed to know for sure how I felt about Billy. I knew I didn't really love David, I barely knew David and what I did know I didn't fancy too much. This was my chance, once in for all, to know.

The plans were set, but it wouldn't be for a week that I would be able to confirm my feelings so I had to settle with what I had. I had Billy and that was what mattered.

"Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilly," I said in the whiniest voice I could make.

"Hmm?" he looked at my with a raised eye brow.

I smiled, "je t'aime!"

He ruffled my hair, "Je t'aime, aussi."

I got up and turned off his Xbox. He looked almost irritated, but I paid it no mind, "Billy, I want you."

"I want you to," he laughed.

"No, I want you. Now," I said.

He was silent for a minute; thinking and then he kissed me. He picked me up and started carrying me toward the stairs. I sooo wanted this.

Then the door opened and there stood Nick and Michael. Billy quickly put me down. "Oh shit, hi guys," he said trying to distance him self from me as much as possible. I never knew why, but Billy always liked to pretend nothing was going on between us even though it seemed obvious to me.

They all started jabbering and I stood at the bottom of the stairs, pissed. I decided that I didn't need to be there while he was with his friends, so I left. On my way out, I saw Will and Yessika getting out of their car. It had been planned.

He invited people over and still wanted to try and have sex before hand. As I drove to my favorite park I thought of how crazy and –insertderekslanghere- he was. I was pissed, but not pissed enough to not miss him. I had really wanted him and then that shit happened. I felt like a fool, but still a fool in love.

I turned on the radio and heard a song I was familiar with and surprised. The radio seemed to be playing all the right songs and it scared me. What would be next? So many breakup songs played on the radio that I almost got scared, but brushed it off. Billy and I were eternal.

"All I wanna know is do you miss your girllllll," the radio sang. It was truuue. I wondered if he really did miss me all those times he'd said so. The scared feeling came back, but I brushed it off at the sound of my phone receiving a text message.

Billy: Georgiiiiiiii 3 come back. I neeeeeeed you. You better not be with anyone else D; you're miiiiiiiiiiine.

I laughed. He was so Billy and I so loved him. My doubts floated away instantly. I was just being crazy and he would never leave me. Though, what I didn't know is that "the gun" from earlier was pointed straight at my head, out of my hand. Who was controlling it? Guess.

When I got to Billy's I expected him to be playing Xbox. He wasn't. It surprised me, but I suspected he was just in his room or something. When I went up there he wasn't in his room so I checked his computer.

"Don't you go anywhere. I love you and I'll be right back. Remember, MINE

-Billy"

I sighed. I don't ever remember him going ANYWHERE. It must've been important, though. I decided playing Tales of Vesperia would have to satisfy me into Billy came back.

By the time I heard "Blahblahblah TIDEL WAVE!" for the 100th time I was getting impatient. Where was he? If he was going to take that long I decided a shower would be good since hectic things had been keeping it from me.

To admit, I was afraid to shower at Billy's without the door locked because I knew he'd want to come in here, but since he was gone it slipped my mind. I got myself clean and then decided to enjoy the hot water. I didn't keep track of time.

After a while I thought I heard the door, but I knew it had to be my imagination because I always thought I heard stuff like that. I was wrong. The door had opened and closed.

I felt some hug me from behind and surprisingly I didn't freak out.

"Heyyyy, tell me something," Billy said softly. "What are your views on anal?"

This is when I freaked. "Billy James Hatch if you try and put your god damn penis up my butt I will fucking cut it off," I said as I turned to face him. I was angry.

He laughed, "it's okay I'm opposed to it too," he said and kissed me.

With that said, he took me. There wasn't any conversation leading up to it. Nothing romantic. I felt dirty after the shower incident. It wasn't like the first time. It didn't feel like he was in love with me like he claimed. I had to believe him, though. If Billy didn't love me then I didn't exist. He had changed me too completely.

After that, he wanted to do it every night and I had to turn him down. I was scared that he'd just be using me for sex. I was in love with Billy and I didn't want to become some skanky whore for him to play around with.

Before I knew it the days turned into a full week and it was time for me to go visit David. I told Billy that I was going to my grandmothers, but it was far from the truth.

The forty minute drive didn't take long and when I got there David was waiting outside his house. I didn't know what the night held for me, but I was sure it was nothing special, however, I felt terribly sad at the time as well. So, sad that it was hard to enjoy myself with David.

The one thing I remember the most about that night is what he said before he got out of my car, "Hey, I know you have something on your mind. Take care of it and next time we'll be what we promised. I really do like you a lot." He closed the door.

David and I, we didn't do anything that night, not even kiss. I told him we should be slow and maybe be friends before we got too far into anything. There was a look he gave me that said "I know you're still with NC" but I brushed it off. He couldn't know… I had only mentioned an annoying guy who wouldn't leave me alone from NC briefly; little did he know how close Billy really was to me.


	9. Chapter 9

(youtube).com/watch?v=IfsH0B3NFms

On the drive home I felt nothing. I didn't have a thought about anything, but the road. It was strange, like I was absent, unable to think. I suppose it was so my revelation didn't screw me over and kill me because if I'd realized it then I probably would've driven off the road from the feeling that would be radiating off of me.

I pulled into my driveway and that's when I realized I hadn't been heading for Billy's house. Why hadn't I gone there on instinct? It didn't matter, I needed to think anyways.

"What's on your mind? What's your problem?" I asked myself laying my head back and closing my eyes. "You need to decide right now. Lay it all on the line. What do you need more than anything in this world?"

My car was silent. Why the fuck wouldn't anyone answer me? I wish someone knew. Then again, no one would know, but me.

While spacing off I looked out my window just in time to see one of my cats tackle another. I got out of my car and went to separate them only to realize they were now doing it. That's when it hit me: the tackle kiss.

This was a sign. He was it. He was everything. If I had nothing but Billy in my life I would be able to live forever. Billy and I were eternal. I had said it a million times and yet I didn't realize it until now. **He. Was. It. There. Would. Never. Be. Any. One. Else. **If I could be with Billy my life would be complete and happy forever.

This is when I started to run. No, I didn't get back into the car, I ran. Looking back it was like the run Bella did to get to Edward in Italy. Life without Edward would be no life at all and it was the same for me and Billy. I ran and ran like I'd never have another chance to live.

When I got there he was standing on his porch, shirtless. It couldn't have been set up better. I ran straight up to him and hugged him. His arms were loosely around me. Something was wrong, but my radiating happiness couldn't be touched by what he was feeling.

"Billy, I need to talk to you, now. Just us, no one else." I looked at him. God, I wanted to kiss him so bad. I wanted to make the best love I'd ever made with him right there on the porch. I couldn't believe how much I loved him.

He just looked at me. His face was indifferent. How could he not feel it?

(Warning: this part is all down hill. You can't see the tears on the page, but scars on the heart are enough proof alone.)

He brought me into his living room. He still hadn't said anything. I looked up at him as he made me sit on the couch and then he stood in front of me a few feet away. My happiness was a little less, but I still didn't know what was to come.

"What is it?" I asked getting fed up with the silence. I noticed he looked 'pained' and something else that I couldn't put my finger on.

He was looking down, "I don't know how to say it…"

I got up off the couch and took his chin in my hand making him face me, "Tell me, now." I wasn't one to deal with bull shit.

"Georgi… I," he started but looked down. Was he going to start crying?

"Spit it out."

"I just… I don't feel anything… for anyone." He wasn't facing me.

My mind started referencing something else from the Twilight series. A scene that was heart-breaking every time it was read. The same book, but out of order and if that was so…

"What are you talking about?" I started to back up. This wasn't happening.

"It's just… this happens every time. I'm sorry."

"Billy, is this a joke? Because it isn't funny. Stop it," I wouldn't believe it was true. I needed him.

"Georgi…"

"Stop saying my name!" I screamed at him. "So… then you don't want me?" I felt the need to test the line signature to that very part in New Moon that it reminded me of. The answer wouldn't fit, of course. This wasn't a book.

"No." I was wrong. It was the exact word. "I'm tired of pretending I'm something I'm not."

"Don't do this."

"I can't help how I feel." Was that really true? I couldn't believe it.

I looked at him directly in the eye. He would not face away from me for this, "So, that's it then? It's just… over?"

He looked at me. He seemed empty, not the same person at all. "Yeah, it's over."

The worst part was that there was technically nothing to be over. I was just a girl who was a fool and got fooled.

He led me to the door and pushed me out of it. It was raining, I didn't notice. I was facing him as he slammed the door in my face. What had I done? It had to be something I had done.

As I walked to no where in particular I couldn't fathom what I had done. It had to be my fault. It had to be. I just couldn't figure it out. If he would have told me I could have fixed it and we'd still be together. I'd still have the source of my life.

With one fowl swoop I went from the happiest I'd ever been to the saddest.

I came across a park finally. The very park I had gone to so many times. The rain made it so I wasn't sure if I was crying or not. I didn't feel anything. The happiness from earlier had cushioned the blow for at least that moment but only for that moment. I saw down under a tree and looked at my hands. I felt like I had blood on them.

That's when I started crying. I cried so much that I got light-headed and very dehydrated. I don't remember when, but at some point I fell asleep. The rain didn't stop and neither did my tears. I slept in the mud, under a tree with my mind trying to fix me and make me forget everything that had happened.


	10. Chapter 10

I awoke with a pounding headache. Where was I? I felt the soft pillow on my head and my cat to the left of me. My shoes were off and I was oddly comfortable. What happened last night?

I needed to get up and go to Bi-… oh. I had then remembered. Though, I couldn't remember if it had all been a horrible dream. It wouldn't have been the first time I'd had a dream like that. If it was a dream or not it still didn't make sense for me to be home and it was Monday. Crap, school was probably already started and no one had the curtsey to wake me up!

I ran to my living room to find my mom sitting there watching TV, "Why didn't you wake me up?!" I was panicking.

"Oh shush, I don't know what happened last night, but that boy from your robotics team, Neal, dropped you off and you were covered in mud and rain. He said he found you in the park so, you should tell me what happened."

So, it had been Neal… and not a dream. "Oh, just lost track of time and got tired I guess. I was bored so I went for a walk and it started raining. My mistake."

"Again? You really need some type of alarm on you. I'm surprised Billy didn't call at all."

"Yeah, I told him I was going home for the night," I lied.

"Alright, well, I called the school so, just relax or something for today." She totally believed me. I almost wished my mother didn't have so much fate in me.

I turned and went into my room. What had happened? I wasn't even sure. I sat there thinking of what it was and it just wouldn't come to me. I looked at my hands, tainted.

It was at that point I turned and saw my reflection in the mirror next to my computer. I started to cry. I turned on some music really loud so no one could hear, but I cried and cried and cried and didn't stop.

Before long it was 2:30 and everyone was home. Tears still fell from my face, but I was emotionless about it for at least that moment.

When I got on Facebook and Msn I was bombarded with messages. I read my Facebook messages first.

Michael: Why weren't you at school? :[

Michael: Are you okay?

Michael: You better not be faking sick.

Derek: Hey

Katy: Why weren't you at school? Neal said something happened… I want to hang out.

Neal: Hey, fill me in later. Feel better, kid.

I decided Neal and Katy's messages were the ones I wanted to reply to. The rest would just irritate me.

Georgi: (to katy) Hey, let's hang at in a few days. I have some things to take care of.

Georgi: (to neal) Thanks. I'll tell you later.

After that was done I decided msn messages needed attention as well. I had one from Michael, Billy and an unknown msn name.

Shadow mlm01: You okay? Smith, you better answer me before I falcon punch you… it'll go right through you :P

LegendzBillehz(addrandomcraphere): Hey, we need to talk.

SourRainbowSkittles: Hey ;]

I suspected that the unknown person was someone I either didn't know or someone I knew and really didn't want to talk to. If it was someone important they would have been added already. I decided to reply to Billy's message

A n N a: What do we need to talk about?

LegendzBillehz(addrandomcraphere): Are you okay? I'm sorry about last night.

A n N a: I'm fine. I just want you to know that I still love you.

LegendzBillehz(addrandomcraphere): I know. :\

A n N a: So, is that it?

LegendzBillehz(addrandomcraphere): I still want to be friends.

A n N a: Okay.

LegendzBillehz(addrandomcraphere): :] if you want to come over you can. We're all just hanging out

A n N a: Sure.

I logged off. I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing, but I wanted to see him so bad. I didn't care if he loved me at that point. I needed him.

I wiped my tears and made sure I at least looked halfway decent. I couldn't tell if I didn't look like I'd been crying or not, but only because I didn't remember what I looked like when I wasn't crying.

As I drove to Billy's I let emotion be set aside. I had to be dead for this mission. If I let the slightest bit of emotion come out I'd break into a crying heap of nothing.

When I arrived I took a deep breath. I could do this. I put away my emotions and got out of the car and walked into his house. He was right. Everyone was there. There were even two people who I didn't recognize.

One was blond and looked irritated that she was even there. Every once in a while she would look at Billy like he was the devil, but other then that she just looked plain pissed.

Then there was an Asian girl who I assumed to be Amy. She was pretty and having fun, but not paying any attention to Billy what so ever. I could have laughed at it if I wasn't afraid of dying on the inside more so.

I walked in more and said, "Hey," to everyone without looking at Billy. It was then that I noticed someone else in the corner. She also appeared to be Asian. She looked almost as dead as I felt except with a tiny ounce of hope.

It was weird, none of us made eye contact, they four girls. We all were in our own little worlds, on top of that the only person Billy seemed to be comfortable talking to was Will. It was like he was scared of something about the atmosphere he'd created.

It was only ten minutes later when the angry blond got up. "This is a joke," she said and stormed off.

"My ride is running, see ya all," the girl I assumed to be Amy said, running after the angry blond.

I felt like leaving myself. Was it a joke? I wondered what got her so angry. Maybe, someone in this room had done her wrong too. I looked at Billy for a second and then thought better and concentrated on something else.

It was less than five minutes later when the Asian from the corner got up, "Leaving," she said quickly as she tripped over a pillow, but didn't stop. When the door shut, Billy seemed to relax.

"Finally," he said. "Hey, wingman, we need to all play together, now."

His voice pulled me to the edge and I felt the tears getting read to pour. I didn't expect this to happen.

"I gotta go," I said and made my way to the door. I didn't stay to hear what was said and I didn't care for it. What if he said mean things about me like he had the other girls? I remember him describing some girls he had hurt when we first started talking, but I didn't imagine right then that they had been in the same room as me, not for a second.


	11. Chapter 11

(youtube).com/watch?v=oiiS41QwBbk

The next day I decided I needed to go to school before I got too behind. Even if I was sad it wasn't worth throwing everything I had away. If I became super rich or famous then Billy would be sorry and maybe want to come back. There were so many things I did just so he would come back.

Michael greeted me, "Hey." I felt bad for ignoring him for so long.

"Hey, sorry for not telling you what was going on. It has to be with Billy." I said with a sigh.

He looked at me sad, "Yeah, I know. He told me, you don't have to say anything."

"Yeah, so anyways, what's up?"

"Wait. Before we change the conversation, I was talking to him and he said this isn't the first time it happened." Michael stopped me and brought me back to a dreaded conversation.

I looked at him, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Something about his past or something." He shifted uncomfortably, "Then he said something about a girl named Maddie and physical attraction."

I stopped dead in my tracks, "What?"

"Something about a girl named Maddie and him being after physical attraction." Michael said again, "I don't remember it all."

So, he already had some other girl he was trying to fuck. I almost died right there again, "I have to leave."

I went for the door and got into my car. This wasn't fucking happening. I drove off to the park. Though, I never guessed that someone would follow me there.

When I arrived at the park I was already crying. What a joke this really was. If this is what the girl had been referring to, god I felt stupid. Had she known? I wondered just who exactly she was. I also wondered who Maddie was and if she knew about this whole game. I needed to get the story from Billy.

I was thinking about starting my car when someone tapped on my window. It was Neal. I was surprised and yet comforted at the fact he was there. Not that I mentioned it, but Neal and I had become close during the build season for robotics and during the robotics competition.

"Hey," he said. He looked normal as ever. The same as I remembered him being.

I rolled down my window, "Why aren't you at school?" I asked.

He laughed, "I'm a senior it doesn't matter. What I should be asking is why aren't YOU at school?"

I smiled even though I was still crying, "You caught me. I'm a skipper, but only when I'm not right in the head."

He made his way over to the passenger's side and got in my car, "Tell me the story."

I told him the story over the course of an hour. He didn't comment, just listened. I like that about Neal. He always listened to the whole thing before making judgments. In fact, I had a crush on Neal since I'd first met him, but didn't tell anyone. He was a senior and if my luck were that good… well let's just say I wouldn't even need to be talking to him.

"So, all this happened over this sort course of time?"

"Yeah," I said. I wondered what he was thinking.

"With a boy in North Carolina?"

"No, I made that part up so David wouldn't think I was still with him," With that said I just remembered David. I hadn't talked to him in a few days.

"Well, damn. Did you kill him? You need someone to kick his ass for you? I have friends if you think he'll really be that much of a challenge, but if he's like you said I'm sure I could take him alone."

I laughed this time, "You don't need to do anything. I still love him. He's a jerk, sure, but it'll be okay. I'll find my own way."

"Alright," he said.

I spent the day with Neal. It was fun, but he kept calling me 'kid' and made it very clear at one point that 'he thought of me as a little sister' it irked me, but I accepted it. I just needed a friend and he was there for me. I couldn't turn that away even if I wanted to.

When school was finally out I got a call from Katy.

"Georgi!!! We need to hang out, TODAY," she said.

She knew something was up and I guess I had to give her props for that much. She deserved my explanation as much as Neal did.

When we met up at the park she hugged me. Neal wanted to hug her (because he liked her not me :[), but she was creeped out by him, like always. It made sense for him to like her, though. She was a senior, too, after all.

As the afternoon crept on, we talked more and more about the events. Neal had left to attend to other things and so it was Katy and I up at the park, swinging and talking. I had this strange feeling that someone was watching us, but I paid it no mind and she just thought I was trying to scare her.

"This guy doesn't even deserve your time. Didn't you say he lives in North Carolina? That's too far. What about David?" she said all at once.

"I lied about NC and about David, I don't know. I don't think I really like him that much."

She scoffed, "You haven't given him a chance! We need to forget about stupid Billy nothing pants and focus on more happy things. You want ice cream?"

I loved ice cream, "Hell yes I do." So we got ice cream.

After we got some cheap ice cream at Mc Donalds we went back to the park. I decided that I need to tell Billy I didn't want to speak to him anymore so I signed on MSN. There was a message waiting for me when I got on.

SourRainbowSkittles: Georgi, I need to talk to you.

A n N a: Who is this?

SourRainbowSkittles: My name is maddie. I've heard about you. I'm so sorry.

A n N a: You're Billy's new girl!

SourRainbowSkittles: haha, no. I am one of his victims. Actually, I came right before you. He's done the same thing to a lot of girls, you know. You aren't alone.

A n N a: Oh. My. God.

A n N a has logged off.

I was too pissed off. "Sorry Katy, I have to go." I said and got into my car and drove off, immediately.

I was spewing racial slurs that my friend Derek was very fond of at the top of my lungs. No fucking way he did this to me. I did not just get _played_.

This was not fucking happening. He was not going to get away with this. His beloved fucking balls and dick were going to pay and so was he. That motherfucker, I would not be a part of some sick and twisted game.

As I pulled into his driveway I didn't care who was there. This was going to happen right then and there. He couldn't stop me I was a fire-breathing dragon and he had no escape. He was a fucking peasant about to get scorched.

I opened the door and didn't bother to close it. Everyone got quiet as I entered.

"Why are you here?" Billy asked.

I was ready for all hell to break loose, "Stand the fuck up."

"What are you-"

"I said STAND THE FUCK UP," I wasn't playing games. "You think you can play these fucking games with me? Oh fuck no. I don't play that fucking game. You god damn worthless piece of shit."

"Georgi, I don't even know-"

I pushed him and got in his face, "DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY A WORD, BITCH. I have lost any respect or feeling I have ever had for you. I can't believe I liked such a fucking loser like you. You can't even get a girl for real, just sitting there playing games. You're a scared fucking pussy who needs to get a life. I don't even want to know how many other girls there are. You need to shape up and be a real fucking man. God damn, I can't believe what a worthless bastard you are."

I was so steamed. I thought that had calmed me at least a bit. I turned to leave.

"You're just another whore," he spat.

It was in this minute that I turned around and punched that fucker in the face. As I did this I saw the blond girl from before. She looked surprised and somewhat happy. I didn't care.

"You do this shit again, I'm holding a knife to your fucking dick and balls." I literally spat on him and walked out the door.

As I backed out of his driveway I saw the blond girl on the porch, staring at me. I didn't give a fuck what she knew, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there and never see his ass again.

As I drove, I wasn't sure where I was going. I just knew I needed to get out of there. I cried, but mostly out of anger. I couldn't believe I let myself fall into a trap like that. I was so stupid. Everything had been a lie. He never loved me. He wanted sex. God, I was stupid. Billy James Hatch was just one big lie.

After forty minutes of driving I realized that I was near David's house. I drove into his driveway. He was the only person I wanted to think about right now.

"Georgi?" he asked when he opened the door.

"That fucker called me a whore."

He looked bewildered, "NC?"

"Who the fuck else?"

He looked at me, "Want me to kick his ass?"

"No, I want to fuck," and with that I let David lead me to his room and take me. I needed to forget everything.


	12. Chapter 12

(youtube).com/watch?v=YDAXltfj8-Y

I woke up with a really strong headache. I almost forgot where I was until I looked next to me. David was laying there, awake.

"Hey," I yawned.

"We need to talk," he said plainly.

I could only guess what he would say, "Tell it to me straight."

"I know you've been with NC this whole time. I think we shouldn't be whatever we are anymore." Well, he told it to me straight.

"Alright, fuck you, David. I don't care," I got up and left still struggling to put on my shirt.

When I got home I felt all kinds of dirty, but I didn't want to shower. I decided leaving again would probably be the best option because sitting still would only give me time to think about things I didn't want to think about.

I ended up at my friend, Mallory's house. I hadn't seen her since the last time I'd gone to school and that had been a while ago. She always had something to say about matters like this.

"Hey," I said when she opened the door.

She hugged me, "Oh my god, hey!" I was glad to see her. She'd been getting along with this guy for a while and I got to hear they were still going good.

"So, how are you and Billy?" She knew and it stung when she said his name.

"Oh, he's been gone for a while. I have no need for him," I said.

She laughed, "Yeah, he seemed like a loser anyways. If I was hot like you I'd be out there fucking as many guys as I could."

"Why?" I asked

"Why the fuck not?" she had a point.

After I let I drove to the park and considered her advice. It seemed like it was worth of consideration at least. I mean, who cared if I went out and fucked a whole bunch of guys? It certainly wouldn't affect anyone around me. I was wrong.

As I sat in the park I decided I should check up on whatever is happening in the real world. I had messages from all sorts of people on my msn.

Shadow mlm01: Where are you? I'm losing my mind.

Maddie3: Heyy, are you okay Georgiiii?

LegendzBillehz: I don't need your shit. I'm stressed enough as it is.

M A L L O R Y: Go gett'em tiger.

I needed to talk to someone who would understand.

K i t t y R a w r r r: Hey maddie.

Maddie3: how are you doing?

K i t t y R a w r r r: I'm fine. Forgetting slowly, still a bit sad, but what can a girl do?

Maddie3: Yeah, I feel the same way sometimes, but Billy still talks to me.

K i t t y R a w r r r: I don't know how you stand him. He's such a jerk.

Maddie3: It's bearable and if I don't like it then I don't talk to him.

K i t t y R a w r r r: I guess that is understandable. So, how is he doing?

Maddie3: He's with this new girl, Lacey, I think is her name.

K i t t y R a w r r r: ughh, what a pig. I have to go.

Maddie3: Talk to ya laterr 3

K i t t y R a w r r r has logged off

I started my car and drove off to no where. I couldn't believe that pig was already trying to fuck some other girl. What had her name been? I was so pissed at Billy I didn't even remember. I thought it started with an L, but I really wasn't sure.

As I drove around the neighborhoods I started to burn off some anger, but it was still very much there. I made a few rounds before I got a call from Derek.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Come to my house."

"Why?"

"Just do it," It had to have been important, right? No, very wrong.

When I arrived he was sitting on his couch with my ex Nathan. I was almost disgusted except for the fact that I had dated him and a pig or two. They were there for me for the moment so I took what I could get.

"So, why are we going to Woodward's house?" I asked as we walked up the street.

"He's got the stuff," Derek said.

"And purple drankkkkkkkk," said Nathan in best retarded voice (normal voice).

"What about some chiiiiiiiiiiiiiickennnn" Derek said.

"And some watermelon!" They were having too much fun.

I mostly ignored them. I was just here for the ride and numbness. I had absolutely nothing better to do.

When we arrived Woodward answered the door. He looked different then I remembered, better. It was strange, but he seemed hot again. I don't know what was making me think this, but I ignored it.

When we got to the basement they immediately pulled out the "stuff". I'm sure you can guess exactly what it was. I wanted it. I didn't care what I was doing or if it was illegal. I had no reason not to and maybe afterwards I'd get something better out of it.

After most of it was gone Derek and Nathan left. They asked if I wanted to come and I said I'd stick around here for a little longer before heading home. They didn't worry too much and I was glad about that. The last thing I needed was for someone to be watching my every move. I just needed to fly free for a while.

"So, you wanna do something?" Michael asked. (that's woodward's first name)

I shrugged, "I don't know. I keep thinking about this one fucker."

"Tell me about it," he said.

I told him about Billy and by the time I was done I was extremely pissed off again.

"Who the fuck does he think he is?" I asked Michael.

"I don't know," he seemed indifferent to my story.

I don't know how, or when, but some how I ended up fucking Michael. Between the story and me being pissed off I lost control and needed relief so I screw him too. I wasn't sure what I was doing, but I was living in some way or another. I couldn't think straight ever and so this was a form of relief to at least keep me numb and from getting out of control.

In the morning I sat there smoking the last of his "stuff" while he slept. I turned on my phone and had no messages. It wasn't surprising since no one really gave a fuck, they just pretended.

I decided it was time to confront Billy about the girl with the L name… I thought back for a minute and was sure it was Lexi or something close to that.

Georgi: Billy, we need to talk.

Billy: What do you want?

Georgi: What you're doing to Lexi or whatever her name is, is wrong. You need to stop fucking with girls.

Billy: I don't think it is any of your business.

Georgi: I'd be damned if it wasn't. You messing with other girls like you did me isn't okay.

Billy: Are you fucking serious?

Georgi: I swear to god if you fuck her up as bad as you have me, I'll kill you.

Billy: …

I turned off my phone; I had enough of him already. I put on my clothing and skipped the house before Michael could wake up. I smoke the last of his "stuff" and he wouldn't be happy about that.


	13. Chapter 13

(youtube).com/watch?v=t7YFAP4myMw

I didn't have the nerve to go home. I probably smelled like weed so, I thought it wasn't the best idea. Even though my house probably smelled just like me I didn't want my parents know I did what I harassed them about doing all the time. It just wasn't worth another fight.

I was circling the different neighborhoods when I got a text from a very anger person.

Woody: You fucking bitch; you smoked all my weed.

Georgi: Serves you right, dick head. Don't speak to me.

Another short and sweet time dealing with Woodward. I could never stand being around him too long. He was pure sleaze and I wasn't going to ever fall for something that at once touched Dixie Martin's vagina. Sure, every once in a while I let myself get carried away with him, but who cared? No one, that's who.

I needed a shower. I was gross and possibly a whore. I couldn't think of anyone I could bear long enough to use their shower so, I paced the neighborhoods with my car a few more minutes. It was then that I got a text from a person I hadn't talked to in a while, for good reason.

Daniel: Hey.

Georgi: are you seriously texting me?

Daniel: Yeah… listen, I'm sorry about before. Friends?

Georgi: … Fine, I need it.

Daniel: cool, wanna come over?

Georgi: sure.

It'd be a few months since I'd talked to my 3-year-crush. I couldn't believe that seventh grade was really that long ago.

When I pulled into his driveway I noticed his parents' car was there. That meant his mom and dad were home. Usually, his dad was at work, but today he was lucky, I guess.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," I said back.

"Dooooojiiiiiiiiii," said Daniel's little sister, Marissa. I had forgotten all about her and her love for all of Daniel's ex girlfriends no matter how much of a whore they might be. (coughcough no mentioning names coughcough)

"Hello Marissa," I said hugging her as she tackled me.

Daniel shifted a little, "Okay, Marissa, go to your room."

"But I wanna play wif you guys." She said with that i-will-not-do-what-you-say look.

"Look a bird!" Daniel said grabbing my hand and dragging me downstairs before she realized she had been tricked.

"Your room is the same…" I stated the obvious.

"No, I moved that sock a couple inches." He pointed to a nearby sock.

"So you have," we laughed.

I eyed his bathroom, "Can I, by chance, shower in your bathroom?" I asked biting my lip. It was such a strange question.

He looked at me for a moment. He had to smell it, "sure." He said simply.

I took my time in his shower making sure to get all the grime and guilt off of me. I could barely even remember what I was doing this all for. There wasn't much purpose in life. Just a bunch of useless nothings doing useless nothings.

I looked down at my wrist. The scars had healed nicely and looked quite unattractive. Yes, I had cut. It was something I hadn't done in forever and I let some douche bag make me want to again. I couldn't quite remember when it happened, but it did and that's all that mattered.

When I came out fully clothed Daniel was playing on his computer as usual. "I feel pretty stupid," I admitted to him.

"Why?" he asked not looking up from his computer.

I sighed, "Got back into the cutting habit from 9th grade with you and Chels. Well, I guess this time someone else made it that deep into my life. Damn, I let a guy I knew for a month touch me as bad as someone I knew since kindergarten and someone I knew for 3 fucking years."

This made him look up, "You did what?"

Daniel hadn't quit cutting until I had forced him to stop his on and off relationship with Chelsey just a couple months before I met Billy. Even though he had done it longer he seemed extremely more opposed to it then anyone else I knew. I never think I'm going to start talking to Daniel again so I never pay attention to details that might set him off. Let's just say he always surprises me when he wants to show up in my life.

He got up and looked at my arm, "I'm telling my mom."

Before I could even process what he was saying he was gone, "shit." I said out loud. If he told his mom then all hell was breaking loose. I was going to get sooo much shit from Cindy and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't need more yelling and negativity. For that moment, I returned to the drowning girl instead of the girl who didn't give a shit about life, but only for that moment and then the other was back.

I heard two pairs of footsteps come down, "Georgi," I heard her call. Her voice really made me cringe.

"Yeah?" I asked. This was going to suck.

She started on her rampage. The whole time she was holding my arm. I tuned her out for the most part, but what I did hear was, "I told Chelsey she could always come to me and I guess that was a mistake but," and then something along the lines of, "You aren't my child, but if I catch you doing what Daniel was doing then I'm telling your parents and suggesting rehabilitation centers."

I just nodded because I needed out of this quickly. When she left I was more than relieved. Strange as it seems, I wasn't mad at Daniel for doing it. It was exactly what I deserved.

We sat in his room, him paying more attention to his computer, "so, you heard from her?" I asked.

"Not for a while, surprisingly," he said a bit absent-mindedly. I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't want to talk to me either.

I laughed a little, "As much as she used to beg for you back and you'd fall for it you would think she would've text you or something."

He looked up, "Well, she did that already and I just didn't answer. She played the 'I'm crying' card and the 'You just always want to hurt me' card too. I just got fed up with it instead of believing, just like you told me."

I really laughed this time. It sounded like I couldn't take my own advice, "So much shit has happened, man, you have no idea. I miss the days of sitting in your basement watching InuYasha and playing FFX. Things got so complicated after 7th grade."

He snorted, "Only because you dumped me for Antonio and then wanted me back for three years."

"Don't forget the fact that I dated people in between that time as well. I think that makes me a bad person."

"Oh, it makes you a terrible one," he joked.

I received a text at that moment.

Chelsey: You probably think me messaging you is weird and probably even still hate me but i just had some things i wanted to say. You were pretty much my best friend for a long time and i know that the shit i did was stupid. when you told me that i was the greatest friend you had to be honest i felt guilty. mostly because of daniel but then i started thinking about things that happened in elementary school. i remember hurting you and i dont want to continue holding grudges against people who deserve it. i really miss being friends and how mcuh we used to laugh, sometimes i even miss our fights because we had known each other so long and we had been friends for so long. we always ended up being friends again and now i realize that most likely wont happen because i olied to you and treated you badly and im sorry georgi, i really feel bad for the things i did to you and i miss hanging out and being friends. i wish i had realized that friends are more important back then and hadnt waited til it was too late because now i will hold that regret for most of my life. im sorry for the things i did and i agree that your parents have plenty of reason to hate me and you have more, i just hope you can forgive me and im really glad that you have good honest friends now and you look really happy as far as i know and i hope everything works out ok with you. i would really like to be friends again and have another chance. i know i dont deserve it and i know it probably wont happen but i have learned a lot. im not saying i changed, but i know which mistakes not to make now. you dont have to get back to me but i would truly appreciate it if you did and im sorry if this message just waisted your time.

(Just so everyone knows this isn't the first one she sent me, but the only one online and I'm lazy.)

I let Daniel read it before we both started laughing, "How the fuck does she always know when I'm at your house?"

It was a universal truth that any time I was at Daniel's house Chelsey would message me whether I was talking to her or not. This time, when I hadn't talked to her since the beginning of 10th grade, was no different.

"I think I better go elsewhere," I sighed.

"Oh, come on. It's not like she'll go any more psycho and bring a chainsaw to my house and kill us both."

I raised my eye brow at him, "So sure? Well, it doesn't matter if she would or not. I need to be getting somewhere."

He rolled his eyes, "So secretive. Just be careful."

"Mmmhmm," I was absent-minded now.

When I left I really didn't have anywhere to go, but some where in my head I got the thought that I should visit Neal. At this moment in time, I really wish I hadn't.


	14. Chapter 14

(youtube).com/watch?v=qQQAlqOQ878

I called Neal up and told him to meet me at the park. He suggested that Katy come too so I told him to go ahead and call her. I loved them both so much. They were one of my safety nets.

When we were all there we got out to go swing. I loved the swing, but every time I swung I got sick (get dizzy, throw up). I must be a masochist.

"So, how are things?" Katy asked.

I laughed, "I'm doing okay. Just baby steps though," I knew I was lying. I was doing horrible, but they didn't need to know that.

"Hey, hey, hey what about this?" Neal said and he touched the middle of Katy's back when she swung back.

"Neal! Don't touch me," she said irritated. She was always so creeped out by Neal. She really had no interest in him.

He did the same thing to me, "What the hell?" I said and tried to kick him.

Things went on like that for a while. We had fun until I got sick and had to sit down. We sat against the school that was close to the playground because it was the closest thing. I laid my head back and slowly felt less and less sick. We were all pretty quiet at that point.

"Why does life suck so much?" I finally asked.

Katy pushed me playfully, "It doesn't suck. You're just looking at it the wrong way."

"Well, my life sucks. I guess yours must be pretty good because you guys don't do stupid shit like me," I laughed. I started to feel a pain in my heart. Was I getting depressed?

"Oh shhh," Katy said. That was the end of that conversation. I really did feel quite depressed, though, I wouldn't admit it.

After that conversation Neal decided we should go to the other side of the building and play on the other equipment. I almost wished he would have spoken up during the earlier conversation, but I didn't control the fates.

"Aren't you guys scared of me? I could be a rapist." Neal said.

"Oh shut up," Katy retorted. He always joked about Neal being a rapist and he tried his best to be a creeper with a 'hands off' policy.

After more playing we settled down near our cars. Katy started getting a call from her parents. She had to be home to take care of homework and other such things. That's when the conversation started.

"Hey, Georgi?" Neal asked.

"What?

"I really want to ask Katy to prom, but… I don't know what she'd said and it's almost here…"

I hit him, "Go ask her, now!" I didn't really think about what I was saying.

"You really think so?" he asked. He was asking if I was sure. This was my chance to say something.

"Seriously, go ask her now or I won't speak to you." I said besides what I really wanted to say. I was so stupid.

He went over to her car before she could drive off and asked her. I just sat there, not looking. I had told someone that I really liked to pursue another girl. How stupid could I get?

"Did you ask her?" I said in the mellowest voice I could manage.

He smiled, "Yeah, she said yes."

It wasn't a surprise to me. She didn't like him in that way, but they were friends. "Good," was all I could manage.

It started to rain so we got into his car to keep talking. I didn't have anywhere to go so this was the best option I could hope for.

"So, you really like Katy?" I asked. I didn't want it to be true.

"Yeah, I have for a while now."

"Oh, I see."

"Why?" he was so clueless.

"Because… because I really like you!" I said it, but it was too late.

He looked at me, "Are you kidding?"

"No, why would I kid about that?" This wasn't just a game. Did he really think that's how I was?

"Well, you're like my little sister so it's kind of awkward now." I guess that was how he really felt.

I was anger by his statement, "I'm not just some little kid. Why do you always act like that?"

"To me, you are." He stated.

I became even angrier. "Shut up, just shut up," I picked up the volume in my voice, "Have a good time as prom with Katy."

He scoffed, "Will do."

With all of that said, I got out of his car. He turned it on and drove off within seconds. I stood there in the rain feeling stupid and empty. I didn't know it then, but he would never speak to me again. Before I could get my thoughts together the rain had soaked me completely.

I got into my car and turned on the radio without wasting gas. It was, of course, a break up song, the story of my life. My life was just one big break up song after another. I didn't even like Neal that much.

That's when it hit me. All of this had happened because of Billy. It was all that stupid bastard who I fell for. I started crying. My life felt so fucked up and empty. I had no one and it was because of him. Well, I couldn't blame him completely. He had just started it and I had continued it.

I suddenly missed the god damn bastard. I was no longer concerned with any other guy I had thought about the past month or so away from Billy. I just wanted him back. I wanted things the way they had been. I didn't care what he did to me or any other girl. I missed him so much.

I hadn't cried so hard in the longest time. "I fucking hate you," I said out loud. It was quiet, at first. Then, I screamed it, "I fucking hate you," I sobbed harder. "I hate you so god damn much," from there I just kept repeating that I hated him. I didn't know who I was speaking to at the moment, but looking back I'm pretty sure it was Billy.

I knew I didn't really hate him at all. I wanted him back so that must've meant that I still loved him. No matter how much I didn't want to admit the stupid bastard had been on my mind I knew unconsciously he had always been there waiting to jump out at me.

I'd kept all my feelings bottled up and now I was paying. I had been dead inside until this moment and realizing that sucked.

All that time had passed and he was still the only thing keeping me "alive" in a sense.


	15. Chapter 15

After hours of crying I some how managed to get home, out of my wet clothing, and into bed. It felt good to actually be home and my parents were pretty happy too. I just needed to lay low for a while and not get so caught up in things.

After sleeping for a bit I got online. I didn't have any messages and I wasn't really surprised by that. I had been ignoring everyone for a really long time. I had also been gone from school for a week so people probably forgot about me. I knew my grades would be in the shit hole, but I'd fix them the best way I could.

Every once in a while I'd get an msn message from Maddie.

Maddie3: Georgiiiii

Maddie3: hiii 3

A n N a: Hey :]

Maddie3: How are you?

Georgi: Good. You?

Maddie3: Gooood.

And then she would log off.

I didn't mind, but it always seemed like such a short conversation. I never had anything good to say anyways, but I still appreciated that someone was looking out for me.

I went back to school and things weren't exactly how they used to be. Most things were, but one of the most important things (I hadn't realized it) was completely different, Michael.

He seemed be all too sick of me. I guess I had just ignored him for too long, but he was a lot meaner then he used to be and I'd just say "forget him," an walk off. It really did bother me, but I just brushed it off anyways.

I did a lot of things at school alone that Michael would always tag along with me for. I felt like people were staring at me because I wasn't with Michael. They were looking at me strange. I ignored them too.

I assumed this would just blow over within a matter of days, anyways. It didn't worry me too much at all. I also didn't let it bother me that Laura would be hanging around him all the time. I never asked him questions about her because the possibility of them being together was zero. After all the jokes and bad things we said about her earlier in the year it seemed all too impossible.

School didn't hold much interest for me, though. I was entertained better at home on my computer. I did absolutely nothing but listen to music and talk to Maddie occasionally. It was quiet and lonely sometimes, but I enjoyed that kind of life. I didn't need any drama with how hard it was to bring my French grade up. I was one percentage away from an F and I really couldn't afford that if I wanted to be in French next year.

I was bored like usual so I decided I'd look at Facebook. There was just junk from people from school who I didn't care for one bit. Dixie was breaking up with another boyfriend, go figure. I also saw that Maddie had some new pictures.

I clicked on them and saw her and Nick. I also saw someone I was not familiar with. The tag said his name was Trenton Edwards and god, was he hot.

I was so unsure about everything and decided keeping to myself would be the best option, but the feeling I had just wouldn't go away. Then, Maddie messaged me on msn.

Maddie3: Heyyyyy what's up?

A n N a: Nothing much :] how have you been?

Maddie3: Gooood. How are you?

A n N a: I'm pretty swell

Maddie3: Good.

We got into a better conversation eventually and I felt really comfortable talking to her.

A n N a: I could never really match up Billy's voice and face. I don't know why.

Maddie3: HAHA! Me neither.

Maddie3: but it's the same with nick, he looks girly and has a really deep voice.

A n N a: deep? His voice always sounded gay to me on xbox

Maddie3 LMAO

Maddie3: I guess, but it's a deep childish type thing. It's really high pitched when he says my name!

A n N a: Haha that's funny. Oh, and your friend Tretnon is cute.

Maddie3: OMFG! You think?! Can I tell him?

A n N a: Sure, I don't know him.

I had let it slip. I didn't mean to, but it was too late now. The conversation continued and eventually I got to talk to Trenton. He was sooooo cool. I loved how random and funny he was. The only thing that made me nervous was that I thought I would be too big of a nerd for him.

The more I talked to Trenton the happier I became. He eventually started asking me to come to his house or Nick's house so he could see me. I didn't know if he was serious at first, but he later proved that he was. I finally set up a date to where I could go to his house and see him. I was excited, but very nervous since I hadn't been in a big group of people for a long while.

Eventually, the day finally came. I met some of his friends (Allison, Jordon, Katie), but he later told me that his closest friends were Maddie and Nick. After the other three left it was just us for and I loosened up more than I had been before. I had a blast and realized that I needed to surround myself with people like them instead of drama-club I had always been a part of.

It was weird; I hadn't thought about Billy at all after meeting Trenton. He took the hole in my heart and mended it with kindness. I also had to give some credit to Maddie because she made me realize that there weren't only bad people in the world. I felt like I was out of my slump and actually able to live again.

Mow: *waves*

K i t t y R a w r r r: hi

Mow: :3

K i t t y R a w r r r: lol

K i t t y R a w r r r: woooooooooo

Mow: lmao *hugs*

K i t t y R a w r r r: o.o

K i t t y R a w r r r: -hugs-

K i t t y R a w r r r: I'm hungry

Mow: go eat a taco.

K i t t y R a w r r r: mmmmm, tacos.

I had a pretty good things going. I talked to Maddie every once in a while and talked to Trenton every day and sometimes I talked to Nick. I was happy with life again and then one day I got added to an msn conversation by Maddie.


	16. Chapter 16

I had been invited to an MSN conversation by Maddie.

Maddie: Hi Georgi :]

Maddie: This is Meg ;D

' Sugar: Hiiiii :]

K i t t y R a w r r r: Oh goodness…

Maddie: She's also one of the girls that Billy used.

' Sugar: Yupp ._.

K i t t y R a w r r r: oh

K i t t y R a w r r r: gross Billy. lol

' Sugar: chapter two is up!!! :D

Maddie: Meg is writing a story. It's really good :]

The conversation went on from there with pointless things. We eventually agreed to meet at Maddie's house. I couldn't help but be excited to see what happened. Maddie had never really talked about what happened between her and Billy and I was dying to know her and Meg's stories and if they were the same as mine.

It was just something I needed to know for myself. It would confirm for me if it was a lie or not.

When I arrived Meg was already there with Maddie. I almost squealed with excitement. Ever since my fight with Chelsey in September I hadn't had girl friends. I wanted to talk trash on boys and actually get a good response.

"Wow, this is weird," Maddie said as we all sat down in a circle.

"Let's get down to business. Who here hates Billy?" Meg asked.

Meg and I raised our hands, "Oh, come on Maddie." We looked at her.

"Hey, he and I are friends. I mean, yeah what he did hurt, but I'm okay with him now." She was too nice.

I chuckled, "You're missing out. I kind of already gave up on torturing him, though, when you said I made him cry."

"Awww man. I told you I'd like her Maddie," Meg chimed in.

We all laughed. It was truly an awesome thing we had going there. We talked about everything. It all had to do with Billy, but there was so much stuff to tell. We figured out he was the exact same to a lot of us. The only difference that we could find was that Billy told Meg he loved her more than Amy, but Maddie and I were told Amy came first. I couldn't believe how ashamed I felt saying I let him have another girl first before me.

It was weird talking to just girls like this. All the girls at school were so tacky and hung up on material things. These girls reminded me of Chelsey and I walking home from Derek's house in his giant sweat shirts because we hadn't brought our own and in 2 degree weather. It got me thinking…

"Third time… I just wanted to chop his balls off!" Meg said in a lively way. I could imagine her swinging an ax at Billy and laughed.

I had to say, "You let there be a third time?"

"He's been trying to get back with me for a year," She seemed pissed when she said this. I could only guess what she was remembering.

Meg's phone started to ring. "Hold on," she said as she answered. "Amy?... haha, I have a surprise for you…. Guess, who Maddie and I are with?... No, ew. It's Georgi… yeah! Get over here now." She hung up.

I got a little nervous. I was actually going to meet the famous Amy. I always imagined she was clueless to what Billy felt and even more clueless to what he did to girls because of his love for her. I was soooooooooo wrong.

When Amy arrived I noticed right away that all my accusations were completely wrong. She was nice and fun and so tired of Billy's shit too. She wanted him to fix his problems and not run like he had been.

"Guys," Amy started, "I have an idea."

We all got really close together and listened to her idea. It was brilliant, but it was to always be a secret. I still don't think mentioning it to this day is a very good idea. Though, at the time, we all wanted to join in on the fun.

The conversations continued.

"You know how there were a lot of different deaths on the sims 2?" Meg asked after I told her about how I got the sims 3.

"Yeah, I liked the eaten by flies one best." I laughed.

She smiled, "Well, I made a house full of Billy sims. They were all exactly the same. Then, I killed everyone in a different way."

I laughed, "Even eaten by flies?"

"Yes, even that. It was awesome."

I couldn't help but think Meg was cool. She had most of the same reactions I did to things. She got sad, then angry, then SUPER angry. She brought back all those old feelings of pure anger I had for Billy. How could he do something like that?

Somewhere in all the conversations, things got out of hand.

"Hey, you guys actually saw pictures of his penis right?" I asked.

"Oh my god," Meg started laughing and so did Maddie.

I knew at that moment that they understood, "So, it wasn't 8, right?"

"Oh god," she laughed. "He used to tell me '8 inches babe ;]' I was like 'oh really'"

We also talked about Billy going back to Meg and convincing her to show boobage. It started a storm.

"Hold on, hold on," I said getting my phone, "I'm texting him," I said typing in the message.

Georgi: Want to see Meg's boob?

He messaged Maddie telling her to tell Meg to stop texting him. I laugh, of course. I wondered what he would think if he knew Meg and I had met. I didn't really get a chance to find out because all hell broke loose from there.

In short, Billy told his mommy, got Will and Nick involved, and cried about his stress. I'm not sure which it was more of: funny or irritating. It didn't last for long either way.

I had a few conversations with different people here and there and then finally judgment day came. It was time for him to fess up and actually talk to us and not run away and yell obscenities.


End file.
